His Shadow.

I have rededicated everything to happenings of that year. Probably that day or perhaps the very moments.

Understanding that to understand would never materialise.

To be alone would be criminal and to lose suggestively, that too.

To pass this year and approach this somewhat day of "just you" with absolutely no confinement, no new feelings nor any less intent to learn of your departure.

To only remeber and not to cry, for that would not be remembering those times one bit.

I will learn that this is about you and no longer anything of me, but only a piece lost. A very dear piece that will not be replaced nor that smile that you distilled.

Your shadow is dwindling, we know its for you. She weakens my ableness to hold on.

So to this year, I will come and sit, by your side. I promise.

MINE

this is mine. Pip.

Admittedly larger and sillier looking now, this lil package is my favourite of sorts.

Affaires de francais?

Take me there pleeeease again. I wana sit with yummy coffee and cigerettes and feel like a french lady. I want to try and speak just like them and dig up memories of french in school. I want to roam around endlessly up the laneways, through the cobble streets. Have a small apartment, a little balcony. Take me by the hand, and I will never come back :)

Drugs, The french and maybe a pint?

4 hours, the Jamaicans, the Rastas, cannabis and my stressed face. How does that work?
Move to France to look at opera, then some dance...what kind of studying is this really?
So im not a good little worker and these past few hours of 'work' have been odd but enjoyable and I'm feeling a little confused.....if this has infact been somewhat, well at a push, a study session I should relax, go out, have a pint and be pleased maybe? or..then again have I done shit all and just pretentiously pranced around what it is I need to do, to no knowledge of myself....

Inside here, is a little girl who is curious but does not expand, focused but too playful to attend and far too unreasonable to be responsive to any reality...crap.

One pint will not stay as one, and this thought process will unravel all evening if ignored...
It's raining now, I'll take my hint, I'll save myself the lengthy follow up that greets my head and tummy.
I am young, I'm a kook, I will be silly and that much is true.
I have wine downstairs.....nevermind. I'm Irish. Thats my excuse.

Kissed a girl and she liked it FML.

THREE YEARS later I get an email. Haunting. Odd and so very awkward. She has a loved one, I in turn do too. 'Unfinished business' she asks.
What happened to that day when you were young and bored and kissed a girl for any reason but the supposed gay one? What are the odds she would emerge to find she was gay from this experience, what are the odds my friend would dwindle into anything but a constant reminder of that kiss....
My exciting possible reuniting with my friend had become an awkward proposal. That email, those text messages. Those drunken phonecalls. Goodness.

Lets have a picnic?

A pleasure ground for colour and lights and tiresome dancing across my own feet into anothers? A place to dwell to submerge in music tones, alcohol in plenty and company of all sorts.
Well thats what I've been told.
No sandwiches will be had, nor tea, or any sort of traditional scuff. A meeting of sorts I'm sure. But thinking about this beyond impulsive freedom...impulsive entrapment in my bank account. I am young, I will grab anyone else too who wants to have the picnic.
We will go, and smile endlessly regardless of those unkind things around. It will be immense. I cannot wait. LETS GO TO THE PICNIC.yesh.

Lost and Found

I went down stairs and I didnt even care anymore, I had master-minded several ridiculous but plausable situations as to how I had done this again. I lose things. I'd lose you if you let me. So there I sat and complexingly enough it did too. This problem excedes competition to only existence. It had to exist. A week of pushing people to believe this had not been me nor my inability to keep, faded to mushy embarassment when my foot tapped against the difference between my defence and my childish habit. I have found my phone and lost my mind. OH and real problems...I've lost them too.